just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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