Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
