I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
