In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
