ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The best revenge is premature balding
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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