you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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