so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
