dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
