Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
