my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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