1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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