so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
