i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Houston, we have a squirter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
