i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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