it was like his penis was on wheels.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
