I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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