T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
