yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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