yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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