i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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