you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé