I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.