Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to