Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
