In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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