i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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