I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
