I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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