Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
