On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
