Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
