I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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