ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
