you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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