Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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