12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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