I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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