im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
