he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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