chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
