Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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