A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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