um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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