was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
