come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
