smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fill condoms, not promises.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
