talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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