oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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