You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
