so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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