4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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