If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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