Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
