i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
