can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
