why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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