My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
