Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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