It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.