I can tuck mytits in my pants
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?