Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
