Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"