Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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