The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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