here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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