Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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