then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
