South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
