I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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