So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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