Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
