Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Banned from zoo.
Again?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
