So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Mom said you looked used
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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