I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
