I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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