dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
