It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
