Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
