I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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