i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
