turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
