I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
