do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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